Road Rage: Car vs. Bicycle

This image was snapped by a witness to a road rage incident where the driver of the car became enraged after the bicyclist shouted for him to slow down. The driver is being charged with 2nd degree kidnapping. The (literal) insanity that people can be "driven" to is amazing. I'm certain that sitting on his couch at home, James Millican (who drove the car) would have told anybody who cared to ask that he would never deliberately ram a bicyclist. But after being shouted at to slow down (and possibly having a few drinks), Millican allowed his reaction to drive him into some serious legal trouble. Fortunately, the cyclist was unharmed, and was able to get off the car when Millican slowed for an intersection.

Why would an otherwise sane human being do this? Once can only speculate ... but we know that anger does not come from external events, but rather from how we (choose) to think about those events. Millican must have felt some threat ... probably to his ego by the shouting cyclist. And once a person feels a threat, even just a psychic one, all bets are off unless they immediately use the tools of emotional intelligence and anger management to rein themselves in.

Self-knowledge and self-control, major components of emotional intelligence, would have helped Millican to not simply react, but to notice his thinking and his reactions and to contain them. Anger management skills could have helped him to de-escalate and behave in a rational manner. If emotional intelligence were considered as important as IQ, if it were taught in schools, Millican would likely not be facing charges and the incident would never have been newsworthy. After all, who can imagine a headline that reads Local Man Practices Anger Management and Avoids Committing Mayhem by Using Emotional Intelligence Skills Gained in Grammar School!

Anger management classes based on stress management help students realize that alcohol is a bad way to relieve stress. Emotional intelligence components help students to understand themselves and their triggers as well as to coach themselves through frustration. These techniques form part of the core curriculum of Anderson & Anderson's Anger Management and Executive Coaching curricula.

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Here's a look back at this blog through the wondrous and whimsical wordle.net ... a picture of words stitched together by relevance and association.

Happiness, Complexity, and Emotional Intelligence

Are happy people necessarily more complex people? To understand this counter-intuitive idea we need to begin with the importance of social capital. What exactly is social capital? It's described as an informal network of mutual aid and information exchange that keeps communities thriving. Crucially this network can act as a potential buffer against stress and alienation.

The irony: those who are happy are least susceptible to stress, and thus to anger. "Social capital" turns out to be a major benefit of practicing emotional intelligence. To know oneself and to control oneself lead to greater opportunities for happiness as well as being the foundations for emotional intelligence.

Anger management techniques, such as positive self-talk (essentially being your own coach) help to strengthen these abilities. Journalling on a regular basis can also help us figure out where difficulties lie. As far back as Aristotle, people have recognized that self-care, self-control, and self-awareness form crucial bases for happiness.

In Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam finds that happier people are more socially connected. This requires social awareness and relationship management—and also form a basis for emotional intelligence.

Maintaining meaningful social connections in a modern life that is ever more disconnected requires creativity and a willingness to embrace the more complex lives that go with holding down a career, commuting, being involved in family, and being a part of one's community.

Complexity leads to involvement and demands solidly developed skills of emotional intelligence. To some these seem to come naturally. Others require practice and growth, often times through executive coaching or an anger management class. But the dividends of greater happiness and less stress come to those who work for it.

Road Rage & Bumper Stickers

A study by Colorado State University social psychologist William Szlemko found drivers of cars with bumper stickers, window decals, personalized license plates and other "territorial markers" are more likely to be aggressive drivers.

It's a pity. Granted, one needn't be a genius to put a sticker on your bumper (as those still driving around with Bush 04 stickers prove), but personalizing a car, especially with a clever plate, seems more interesting.

This study supports the notion that IQ isn't enough. No matter how smart a person in this society is, no matter how creative, chances are that they've never learned the skills to handle anger well. And this translates to rage and tragedy.

I recently spoke with a person whose spouse had pursued another vehicle, resulting in a crash that killed their teenage daughter. Both parents are thoughtful people with plenty of psychological growth experiences. But neither had learned the skills of assertive communication or adequately developed their emotional intelligence.

Anger Management; consisting of understanding anger, learning to manage stress (and today's traffic can be a stressor), developing emotional intelligence, and learning assertive communications; can free up the creativity and genius that goes wasted when good people road rage.

Stress

Dr. Hans Selye, the father of stress theory, defined stress as "the nonspecific response of the body to any demand made upon it." The "demand" can be a threat, a challenge or any kind of change which requires the body to adapt. The response is automatic, immediate. Stress can be good (called "eustress") when it helps us perform better, or it can be bad ("distress") when it causes upset or makes us sick.

— Gregory Kyles, Anger Management Institute of Texas

Stress.

A stepping stone to anger.

It hits when demands stretch capacity. It becomes toxic when chronic or too intense.

The stress response activates the sympathetic nervous system (SNS), revving the body and mind up to handle a potentially dangerous situation. Fight, Flight (or Freeze).

Fortunately, we each have a parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) — one that acts to calm the body and to quiet the mind. One that engenders a relaxation response.

Unfortunately, research has shown that people who get angry a lot have a PNS that lets them down. It tries to bring comfort and peace, but then becomes ineffective.

So, if you experience a lot of anger, rage, resentment, or aggressive impulses, the old adage "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" needs to become your watchword.

Stress management:

1. Manage your life: Taking a little extra time to watch your schedule, to notice demands that may arise, and to plan for contingencies can drastically reduce the number of times your SNS pushes the stress alarm. Skills such as time management, organizing, effective and clear communications, and emotional intelligence are keys to this level of care.


2. Manage your stressors: Sometimes stressors intrude even into the well-managed life. These are to be expected. They will come. Managing your life simply reduces the number and severity of likely stressors. Having an action plan to manage stressors allows one to be more comfortable while dealing with stress.


3. Mangage your stress: Finally, take steps to manage your stress. Get a healthy amount of exercise each day. Schedule time for appreciating your immediate experience and to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Ask for and accept help. Practice breath-based or progressive relaxation exercises. Practice yoga daily. Coach yourself with self-talk "I am learning to manage my stress today."

This only scratches the surface ... but it's a running start!

Anger Management, a Consumer Alert

The Anderson & Anderson Anger Management Curriculum is currently the only anger management program accepted by the California Superior Court in Los Angeles County for court mandated anger management referrals. At the request of the Anger Management Committee of the Los Angeles Court, Anderson & Anderson is required to provide free copies of its client workbooks to any officer of the court. This includes the District Attorney, City Attorneys, Public Defenders, Commissioners and Judges. In addition, a list of approved Anderson & Anderson providers in Los Angeles County is provided to all Courts quarterly. Any consumer who attends classes not on this list will not receive credit for the classes attended. This arrangement has been in effect for over twelve years.

No court in any state has ever refused to accept the Anderson & Anderson Curriculum for mandated court referrals. This is not by accident; rather, it is based on the following facts regarding this model:

1. The Anderson & Anderson curriculum is published in English and Spanish. It is culturally appropriate for volunteer and mandated clients from businesses/industry and the courts.


2. It is universally accepted throughout the United States, Canada, the UK and most English speaking countries. The Anderson & Anderson model is used in businesses, human resource management, prisons, children services, mental health agencies and correctional settings worldwide.


3. This curriculum is used in conjunction with the Conover Anger Management Assessment. Each client or student is required to complete either the 18 item or the 104 item Anger Management Map. This Map determines the client’s level of functioning in managing anger, stress, communication and empathy/emotional intelligence. A fifth category is motivation to change. The built in post test is designed to determine the success or lack of success for each client. This is as close to evidenced based intervention currently available.


4. As an indication of the dominance of the Anderson & Anderson anger management model, a snapshot of it’s corporate/industry list will demonstrate its widespread use worldwide. The single largest Anderson & Anderson business client is the United States Postal Service with 820,000 employees, other organizations include the Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health, Canadian Department of Mental Health, Cayman Island Prison System, Californian State Board of Prisons, Bermuda Probation Department and Sony Pictures Entertainment.


5. This model has been the subject of major articles and interviews in the Chicago Tribune, Cover Story of the Los Angeles Times Sunday Magazine, Toronto Star, ESPN, NBC “Starting Over”, Sunday Edition of the London Times, NPR, and the Society of Human Resource Managers Magazine.


6. The Anderson & Anderson model is used exclusively by the California State Superior Court for all of Los Angeles County. No other anger management curriculum has achieved this distinction.


7. The Employee Assistance Program for the United States House of Representatives uses the Anderson & Anderson Certified Anger Management Provider list for it’s to make referrals of its client base.


8. Anderson & Anderson is the only anger management organization with the capacity, prominence and international recognition to sell licensing agreements worldwide.


9. This model is complete. It has client workbooks, posters, DVDs, CDs, pre and post tests, facilitator guide, sample brochures, sample websites, sample business cards as well as sample marketing plans.


10. Anderson & Anderson is the only anger management model with a special option for Executive Coaching for Physicians, Attorneys and high profile clients who need to be seen individually. We are the sole resource for celebrity clients in the Los Angeles area. All Medical Boards in the nation accept this model for mandated physician referrals.

Additional information on the Anderson & Anderson model can be found by visiting the following sites: The Anderson and Anderson anger management and executive coaching website, the Anger Management Trends blog, Anderson & Anderson Anger Management and Executive Coaching Blog, The American Association of Anger Management Providers website, and Carlos Todd's Anger Management Resources website. The Anderson and Anderson office can be reached at 310-207-3591.

— George Anderson, MSW, LCSW, BCD, CAMF

Not an Anderson & Anderson Approved Anger Management Method

Whack your boss is not a suggested method of anger management. Research has shown that participating in this type of anger displacement can actually INCREASE your hostility and aggressiveness.

So DON'T visit Whack your boss. It's unhealthy. It's antisocial. It's bad for you.

If everybody starts to fantasize like this, we might have a COMMUNIST REVOLUTION!

If you can score 17 ... well, then you're a sicko!!!

The 7 Rs of Managing Anger

I ran across a similar list on another blog the other day. Since the original author asked me not to use her material (even though it was "fair use"), I have adapted it here:

1. Realize that you feel angry.


2. Relax your mind.


3. Release.


4. Remember to care for yourself.


5. Recharge with supportive people.


6. Reshape your anger generating perceptions.


7. Rectify your errors and retire your resentments.

What a great list of interventions — I only wish I could give credit to my original inspiration. And there are SEVEN of them!!! As in seven colors of the rainbow, seven days of the week, and even seven chakras. So indulge me in a little mytho-poetic romp through these "7 Rs of Managing Anger"

1. Realize that you feel angry. Color: red, the color of anger. Day of the week, Sunday. Image: the dawn - it dawns on you that you are angry. The chakra is the root chakra, tied in with basic survival instincts, it is the basis of being rooted to the Earth. Its color is red, feel it located at the base of your spine.

2. Relax your mind. Color: orange, the color of stress. Day of the week, Monday. Image: the Moon, waning from the full queen of the midnight sky to the mystery of the new moon, hanging out with the sun, in an ever repeating cycle. Rhythms of nature, not stress, just allowing the balance of the system to operate. The chakra is the second chakra, associated with generativity - don't stress, allow your creative and grounded self to bring forth new solutions. Its color is orange, feel it located at the center of your body, just below your navel.

3. Release. Color: yellow, the color of the mind. Day of the week, Tuesday. Image Ares / Mars / Tir, the Gods of War. Chakra number three, associated with anger, with self-protection, with being willing to go to war. Release. This is a must. Visualize a war god unhitching his horses and releasing them in a meadow and letting them graze. Visualize him kicking off his sandals and cooling his feet in a stream. Feel this chakra at your solar plexus. Visualize it rotating smoothly and in harmony with the rest of your body.

4. Remember to care for yourself. Color: green, the color of fertility and fecundity. Day of the week, Wednesday. Image: Mercury / Hermes / Wotan / Odin - traveling Gods, passionately loving deities. Hermes and Mercury, messenger Gods - open your heart to receive the message off compassion. Wotan / Odin - wanderer Gods, who frequently knocked on doors, dressed in rags, and richly rewarded those who showed them hospitality. Chakra four, the heart chakra, located at the center of the chest, associated with compassion, love, and mercy. Having compassion for others requires that you first show compassion to yourself. Take good care of yourself, do not harm yourself with anger.

5. Recharge with supportive people. Color: light blue. Image: the blue sky under which we all live; sitting down in a circle for council, for fellowship, for a picnic. Day of the week, Thursday (Thorsday). Thor, the protector of the Norse communities. Wotan was feared, but Thor cherished. The fifth chakra, located at the throat, governs communication. Surround yourself with people who are impeccable with their word, people who speak the truth with respect. Be recharged by honest feedback and assertive communication. Tell somebody that you appreciate them and what they've done lately.

6. Reshape your anger generating perceptions. Color: indigo, the color of midnight blue. Day of the week: Friday, Freya-day, the day celebrating Freyr and Freya, Norse fertility deities coming from the pre-warrior traditions. Chakra — the Third Eye — associated with dreaming, with understanding. Gain a new understanding. Instead of the warfare of the Aesir such as Woden and Thor, seek the peace, union, and fertility of Freyr and Freya.

7. Rectify your errors and retire your resentments. Color: violet (or silver). Day of the week: Saturday - Saturn-day, Sabado. Saturn, the Roman God of setting limits and boundaries: it's time to examine the limits of your behavior, to make amends for the boundaries you've crossed, for the times you've failed to limit your aggression. Sabado - Sabbath - the day of rest and reconciliation. A day for God to walk in the Garden of Eden with humankind. The Crown Chakra, at the crown of your head. This is the place of spiritual connection with the universe. Allow your contact with Spirit to empower you to amend your shortcomings and to exercise the Grace of forgiving those you judge to have harmed you.

The Fine Art of Apology

You lose your temper. You internalize your anger. You take it out on others. The best way to get over the guilt you feel, is to apologize.

Not being able to apologize, due to pride, ego or shame leaves you with a residual anger that can build over time and release itself again and again. The only way to really be free is to accept responsibility for your actions and make amends.

—Anger Management TV blog

To apologize means to turn away from the judgments and beliefs that led to anger in the first place. Apologize comes from the Greek "apo" (away from) + "logos" (logic / word / system of thought). Thus, to apologize is to move away from the logic that caused the anger in the first place!

Using the ABC's of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in an anger log or journal is an excellent way of preparing to apologize. It's a way to get your thinking straight.

Having a power phrase sounds like a great technique, too. It's an anchor one can use in the moment — whether to forestall anger itself or to contain one's emotions.

Taking a cleansing breath before using the power phrase can also be a great idea. A cleansing breath is a long, slow inhalation through your nose (keeps it slow), pausing for a heartbeat or two, then a long, slow exhalation through your mouth (loosens the jaw and facial muscles, promoting relaxation and parasympathetic nervous system activity). This will change voice timbre and body language and help calm the situation.

Addicted to Anger

If you had the ability to block pain would you use it?

If you could prevent yourself from hurting and feeling despair wouldn’t you?

Well that’s what many people do with anger. In essence there are a vast majority of people addicted to anger. When we are angry we don’t have to feel pain, we don’t have to feel anything but rage and disdain.

Like many drugs that block pain anger can also block positive feelings from flowing. It can stifle your creativity and your ability to process information correctly.

— Shannon Munford, Angry in L.A.

The change in brain chemistry associated with becoming angry is quite similar to the changes induced by methamphetamine. There have been cases of actual anger addiction where the addict would go on anger “runs,” becoming enraged as a way to avoid the come down into depression.

Addiction kills. Anger kills. Studies have shown up to a seven-fold increase in death rate for the most angry men. Ultimately, one must either recover or die. Recovery, from chemical addiction or from anger, means facing and accepting the pain we were medicating.

Anger management classes are one way of getting a handle on addiction to anger.

Proactive Anger Management

While anger management is not a cure for psychopathology nor mental illness, it can serve to separate at-risk students from those who exhibit deficits in managing stress, anger, assertive communication and empathy/emotional intelligence.

The United States Postal Service has demonstrated the effectively of anger management as a violence prevention strategy. "Going Postal" is becoming a rarity media reports of workplace violence as it has become a rarity in the real world of the Postal Services.

— George Anderson, LCSW, BCD, CAMF

The Postal Service has demonstrated the real-life benefits of proactive anger management, consisting of understanding and recognizing anger and its causes, stress management, assertive communication, and empathy or emotional intelligence.

Rather than being psychotherapy, this approach to anger management is psycho-educational: it helps students gain life skills. By applying even a few of these skills to life, rage, anger, frustration, and stress are reduced. When this happens in the workplace, workplace efficiency often climbs, there are fewer days of sick leave taken, fewer call-offs, and fewer workplace accidents.

This proactive approach can be used with higher levels of management and administration as well. Generally it is done in a one-to-one setting and referred to as executive coaching.

This usually starts with an evidence-based assessment, individual recommendations, and a personalized curriculum. A post-test helps the student see how much they've learned and been able to apply. Often this can be done in as few as a dozen sessions.

Anger Management for Doctors

One of the first questions posed by physicians inquiring about resources for abusive physicians is “Do I have to undergo a psychiatric assessment”. This question is extremely important to any practicing physician as it will almost certainly affect his or her entire career if there is anything in any file suggesting impairment or even an assessment. Therefore, if the goal of a program is to help abusive physicians who are not addicted to drugs/alcohol or psychiatrically disturbed, it must not include a mandatory psychiatric assessment.

— Carlos Todd, Anger Hurts blog

Since the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual on Mental Disorders (DSM-IVtr) does not classify anger as a mental disorder (other than Impulsive Explosive Disorder, which is not common anger), a psychiatric evaluation is not indicated for physicians, police officers, executives, or anybody else who has an anger problem.

It is important to screen for other mental disorders. Doing anger management with a person suffering from untreated schizophrenia or bipolar disorder will rarely work until the underlying disorder has been treated. Frequently, screenings reveal dysthymia, depression, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which had previously gone undetected. This, however, is not a psychiatric assessment, but a mental health screening which can be done by any licensed and qualified psychotherapist. It need not become a part of anybody's record.

Anger management classes or executive coaching sessions are psycho-educational. They are interventions to train the recipients in skills to help recognize, contain, and defuse anger, to help prevent aggressive or hostile situations for ever occurring, to develop emotional intelligence, to gain skills in stress management and stress prevention, and to communicate in assertive, rather than pathological manners.

None of these fall under the province of psychiatric or psychological treatment. While some cognitive behavioral interventions are taught to anger management students, this is not cognitive behavioral therapy. Participants are students, not patients.

Often, physicians, attorneys, executives, and other professionals need discretion. They fear taking an anger management class where others will know about their shortcomings. Additionally, law-enforcement officers who need anger management training fear both the stigma of an "anger management" label as well as being in a group with those whom they may have to police.

The solution for these reservations is to offer one-on-one executive coaching or professional development. Additionally, a "Law Enforcement Interaction Skills" group may be the perfect venue for helping police officers who cannot afford to pay for one-on-one sessions.

Executive coaching is inevitably more costly than tuition for an anger management class, but professionals should be able to afford this. Anderson & Anderson offers training and certification in the additional skills needed for executive coaching, above and beyond what are required for teaching anger management classes.

An interesting suggestion for anger management facilitators is to offer Law Enforcement classes at a drastically reduced rate ... nearly free! Why? Because the people who are required to take these classes put their lives on the line every day to promote civil order. This is one way of showing gratitude to police officers for their thankless job. A weekly class for police officers only may not generate much income, but it will generate good will, and can be used to generate favorable publicity.

Anger and Self Criticism

Don’t be so self-critical. You won’t feel better about yourself is you constantly second guess your actions. You may have been told your whole life that you’re no good, but that doesn’t mean you have to believe it’s true. Letting go of what others think is the first step towards seeing yourself in a better light.

— Anger Management TV blog

Alas! The wording of this advice plays into the trap of self criticism. Imagine the inner voice:

I must not be so self critical.

I must not be so self critical about being so self critical.

I must not be so self critical about being so self critical about being so self critical ...

Enough already!

The very act of judging oneself reinforces the tendency to judge. Instead, a key anger management practice is to learn self-acceptance. Instead of the self critical self talk "I must not be so self critical" one could practice affirmative self coaching "I am learning to accept myself."

While this is an improvement on many levels, our self critical natures, established over many years rarely yield to coaching like this. "I am learning to accept myself" generally gets followed by the internal comeback "Yeah, right. I'm still too self critical."

It seems that simply affirming what one desires does not change deep judgments very well. Instead, one must cleverly align with the self critic's judgmental voice but twist the response to self acceptance.

I must not be so self critical.

[oops]

I am grateful for having such a powerful sense of right and wrong. My ability to criticize myself helps me to learn and to avoid mistakes.

This change, when practiced over time, can cause nearly a complete reversal of toxic self criticism. Self judgment settles down to the appropriate level of being the voice of a good conscience.

This technique of shifting long-established thought patterns is a goal of anger management and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Self coaching is a very powerful tool for implementing this shift. Practicing acceptance instead of judgment is a key principle of anger management and emotional intelligence. Self acceptance includes accepting one's tendency for self judgment. This enhances self esteem over the long run and immunizes one against petty bouts of rage.