Anger Logging

I've spent a lot of hours in the last week working on the curriculum for an online anger management class. One of the ideas that kept popping up was:

We do not become angry because of what people do or what happens to us—we become angry by thinking angry thoughts about what people do and about what happens to us.

One of the tools to get a handle on this is the anger log. An anger log can be quite simple:

1. The date.


2. A brief, three line description of the event that triggered our anger. Writing much more than three lines causes one to focus on the situation, on the other person, and to actually become more invested in their anger.


3. Beliefs: What were the beliefs and judgments that led to anger?


4. Feelings: What feelings were you having? Duh! This is an anger log! “What the !#%$&! do you think I was feeling?” It's helpful to name the flavor of anger here—anger, rage, annoyance, irritation, etc. Doing this helps to expand your emotional vocabulary and become more aware of your spectrum of anger responses. It develops stronger emotional intelligence. Also, I find it helpful to rate the anger level from 1 to 10, where 0 is not at all angry and 10 is readiness to dismember somebody. Finally, since anger is a secondary emotion, list any primary emotions that led up to the anger, such as frustration, sadness, hurt, fear, etc.


5. Actions: What did you do? With time and experience, this should provide an affirmation of how you're applying anger management techniques.


6. Dispute: Dispute the beliefs and judgments you listed above. Even though your beliefs might be “correct,” they still led you into anger. See if you can find another set of beliefs that keep you from judging. Reframe the situation. Try to find another viewpoint, perhaps even that of the other person. Doing this will help build up your capacity for empathy, a crucial element of emotional intelligence, and a vital key to anger management.

The other night a student read his anger log in class. It was a powerful and moving experience sharing his process. He found the disputation process very powerful, as did the entire class. We all learned from his experience—we all grew.

Often, especially on the road, I simply do the beliefs and dispute in my head. I'm finding out more and more that the beliefs that lead me to anger are frequently quite childish: I want what I want when I want it! By noticing my self-centered childishness, I get the opportunity to reparent that child inside me, and to act more mature. I also get to avoid getting angry.