John Elder, MA, MFT (lic #42730)
Certified Anger Management Facilitator & Trainer
Diplomate, American Association of
Anger Management Providers
Certified Group Process Facilitator
Certified Victims of Domestic Violence Advocate
| The
key to unlocking Anger Management is understanding that anger is a secondary emotion. Rather than acting it out, seek the unfulfilled need and find ways to fulfill it or soothe yourself. |
Anger |
Underlying |
|
Unmet |
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. (Buddha)
Anger Management Classes
Anger is a natural human response to threat. Anger prepares the body to physically incapacitate an enemy and defend one's own body, family, and boundaries. Anger is like fire, a powerful force--and when it gets out of control, powerfully destructive. The physiological effects of anger are rarely needed in modern society, and we face a public health epidemic of anger gone wrong. Whether violent emotional outbursts or soul-destroying resentments, unmanaged anger destroys relationships, families, and individual health. In the workplace, it causes inefficiency, time lost to sickness and disciplinary problems, and industrial accidents. Most angry responses come from learned habits; the anger management process helps to replace habits of anger with conscious processes that lead to emotional growth, better communication, less stress, and the useful expression of anger. Anger management skills are best learned in an anger management class environment where, unlike reading a book by oneself or sitting in a therapist's office, one can interact and resocialize with peers, suffering from the same struggle to manage their anger.
My anger management classes use a model of anger management that is the only one approved by the California Department of Corrections. I teach weekly and intensive weekend anger management classes using this model that has four primary facets: learning effective communications skills, developing emotional intelligence, managing stress, and understanding the anger process.I am not currently teaching any anger management classes, although this may change in the near future. I am working to integrate anger management work into a substance abuse treatment program.[Anger Management Class Exercises] [Anger Management Classes - A Teacher's Perspective] [Select books about anger management] [Anger Management Quotations] [Anger Management Class Resources] [Yoga and Anger Management]
NEW: Sign the Anger Managers guestbook Let us know what you think of this site.
NEW: New article about Yoga and Anger Management, Gives some insights into how to effectively use yoga to develop a calm lifestyle.
NEW: The Anger Site bookstore: Select books about anger management and related topics purchased with the convenience of Amazon.com..
NEW: Read the new "Anger Management in Real-Time" weblog, a journal of experiences and ideas related to anger management classes and training.
NEW: John Elder, MA featured in Daily Breeze article on anger management classes.
NEW: Summaries of studies and research about anger, anger management, and anger management classes. Learn more about what's useful and what's “snake oil.”
Stress Management
I have taught stress management workshops and incorporate stress management into my anger management class work. Stress is a stepping stone to anger. Relieving stress reduces the likelihood of getting triggered into an angry outburst or rage. It also helps reduce the severity of other psychological and physiological problems. I have incorporated stress management into psychotherapy. In addition to more traditional psychological tools, I have also employed visualization, relaxation, and healing metaphor techniques. Stress management is an often overlooked component of the anger management class process.
Effective Communication
Much of the anger that occurs in relationships rises out of unskilled communication. We are constantly bombarded with examples of people putting each other down, judging each other, not listening, and trying to get the best of each other. Without teaching how to effectively communicate in a calm and respectful way, anger management classes would be incomplete. Much of the work I do with families and couples (and parents and children) is aimed at helping them to communicate effectively. This involves listening from the heart, speaking one's own experience without judgement, and, above all, desiring to be in a mutual, non-violent relationship. I offer a communications workshop based on Marshall Rosenberg's excellent Nonviolent Communication
. More information about Non-Violent Communications (NVC) principles and techniques can be found at the CNVC website. I also guide groups through Riane Eisler's excellent book on mutualism and partnership, The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future
, using her guidebook, The Partnership Way: New Tools for Living & Learning A Practical Companion for "the Chalice and the Blade"
.
Emotional Intelligence
Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
, published in 1995, is a basic users' manual for the human psyche. A science writer for the New York Times, he put together research demonstrating that IQ bears little relationship to success or happiness in life. Instead, what he dubbed "emotional intelligence"-- the ability to relate to one's self and to others in a perceptive way, producing desired outcomes--is a much stronger predictor of success. Emotional intelligence is a cornerstone of anger management, stress management, and effective communication. The process of examining one's self during an anger management class helps to improve emotional intelligence. My anger management classes aim to raise the emotional intelligence levels of people who take them.
The Anger Management Pyramid
Anger is a secondary emotion. Another emotion, such as fear, frustration, anxiety, sorrow, or feeling diminished, inevitably precedes the experience of anger. Generally, anger replaces these primary emotions so quickly that we never notice them. Beneath the primary emotions lie unmet needs. Usually, the way we act out our anger keeps these needs from ever getting noticed or fulfilled. Anger management classes encourage students to notice primary emotions before they turn into anger, and to trace these back to the unmet needs, thus strengthening their emotional intelligence. Once the needs are identified, an individual can constructively work to get them met or can practice self-soothing and avoid blowing up into anger or rage.
Reviews
Review of the DVD Manic, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Don Cheadle, and Zoey Deschanel. This indie production focusing on teen rage, was one of 2003's great sleepers--and also one of the best movies released. It presents some great vignettes of anger and commentary on managing anger, as part of a compelling story. Here's an opportunity to purchase a copy of Manic
. Don't miss it!
Email John: john at jelder dotcom
Last updated: 01/02/2006
